The clock is ticking.
22 years old.

Univeral blog.

xcarolynnn:

cloudydayrealestate:

the satisfaction

One time in like 5th grade I had this teacher and she gave us all bottles of shit like this and told us to squeeze it all out and of course we were like fuck yeah and did it and then she said, “Now, try and shove it all back in the container.” Of course we all tried, and then stared at her confused as shit. When we all obviously gave up, she said, “In the moment, you were so consumed with what you were doing that you didn’t realize the mess you were making. Then, after it was so quickly and easily poured out, you realize it is impossible to put it all back in. Remember this for the rest of your lives when it comes to the words that come out of your mouth” and we were like 10 so we were like yeah ok whatever lady, but somehow to this day I think of it constantly. 


so i was in the bus with this granny by my side when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. the granny turned to me and said “these girls are so pretty. at their age i was pretty ugly. well, maybe that’s why i had to marry a man” i almost died omg


givemeinternet:

Was this a joke or is someone getting fired?

givemeinternet:

Was this a joke or is someone getting fired?


scarletsamhain:

willy wonka and I are one


petitedeath:

strikelikeahawk:

jessica-messica:

zagreussits:

How to wear a knife strapped to your thigh with a garter like a fucking lady while managing not to slice yourself open because you were fool enough to carry an unsheathed weapon next to a squishy part of your body that moves when you walk.

  1. Get a garter from somewhere; this one is a sock garter from Sock Dreams, which means it’s made to stay the fuck up there.
  2. Get a fucking sheath for those sharp, pointy things and put them in the sheath. There’ll be a velcro loop at the top so that they won’t slide out if you hold the sheath upside down.
  3. Put the garter through the loop at the top meant for whatever you’re using to attach it to yourself. Attach it to yourself, adjusting for ease of grabbing. You don’t want to put it on your inner thigh because that is awkward as hell to get out. The only way you’d be able to get it out in a timely manner is if you attached the sheath upside down, at which point you’d need two garters to keep the sheath from tilting inward toward your other thigh.
  4. Oh no, now the sheath is hanging loosely and is going to make a weird pattern against your clothing. Tuck that shit into your stockings if you’re wearing them, or use another garter if you’re not.
  5. Pull your pencil skirt back down over the knife sheath. Adjust accordingly due to tightness of skirt and shape of sheath. Make sure you can get at it as quick as you want.
  6. People look at you really strangely if this is the knife you pull out when you want to cut your apple up.

Vital Information for your Everyday Life.

Reblogging this so I remember to show it to my wife.

I used to do this in high school cause 2 days of the week we did internships and shit and i had to bus alone to downtown seattle and there always creeps. I recommend listening to this.


Conceptual arts of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.


apple5kies:

That’s horrifying

apple5kies:

That’s horrifying




The Seven Shittiest Sins
  • Greed: I want shit
  • Envy: I want your shit
  • Wrath: I'm going to wreck your shit
  • Lust: I'm into some freaky shit
  • Gluttony: This is some tasty shit
  • Sloth: I don't feel like doing shit
  • Pride: I am the shit
posted 1 day ago via 2kaon · © optimuslump with 291,317 notes